UOG: Demise

Just got my other tree from Ikea delivered


I'm thinking I should have placed my order for it much earlier

A girl went to confession and told the priest

"I'm pregnant"

The priest looking shocked asked

"How did this happen my child?"

The girl replied

"I think it's the 2nd coming?"

The priest asked

"What makes you think that you are the one chosen for the 2nd coming?"

The girl answered

"Because I swallowed the first one Father!"

And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all 4 corners of the Earth.........











.............He then made the world round and laughed and laughed and laughed

My 3rd and final tree

Done

Now that I am older ( shut up all of you ) my doctor said I should get Anthony to install a bar in the shower

Anthony asked me to draw where he needed to put the bar for me for easy access

He made it exactly how I drew it

bama you are without doubt the punniest person on the forum

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7

Growing up skipping school and smoking pot kept me in constant trouble.

Now pot is legal and schools are closed..............











...........The ‘Boy is living my dream








Damn it

I couldn't find my car window scraper this morning so I used a plastic store discount card to clean the windows.

It didn't work very well...








I only got 20% off.

I used my credit card and got 100% off.

As Auburn’s head coach Gus coached his first and last game against the same coach.

Amal and Juan are identical twins

Their mom only carries 1 picture of them

Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
“How was he killed” asked one detective. “With a golf gun.” Replied the second detective.

“A golf gun? What’s a golf gun?”

“I don’t know, but it sure made a hole in Juan”