UOG: Demise

26 September 2018


Dearest mother —
I have received your care package of pickled prairie dog and possum cakes. The unit has reached home camp. We prepare for the soldiers out of Houston and their Clown — who is intimidating; not at all funny. Many have learned that difference the hard way.
— Andrew

28 September 2018


Dearest mother —
The Texan men have reached the outskirts of town. However, they do not intend to attack until Sunday, as they must follow tradition and barbecue beforehand. Our unit will use this time to better prepare. We seek victory, mother. And we shall find it.
— Andrew

30 September 2018


Dearest mother —
Our unit lost a lengthy, close battle with the Texan men. My frustration is boundless. While there were bright spots, such as Sgt. Vinatieri officially hitting a record sniper shot, we were tactically unsound. We shall learn and move onward. I miss you.
— Andrew

1 October 2018


Dearest mother —
The men have mended their wounds and spirits in short order. They had little choice. We must move out this morning to begin our march to Boston. There, Gen. “Stoneface” Belichick and his band of Patriots await battle. Our unit yearns for another victory.
— Andrew

3 October 2018


Dearest mother —
We have reached the outskirts of Boston. Our unit tracked the Patriot men by the smell of baked beans and their unique — almost always shouting — dialect. Tomorrow night, we battle. For now, I shall take some Squirrel Oil and then target practice.
— Andrew

5 October 2018


Dearest mother —
We were bested by Capt. Brady, the behemoth known simply as Gronk and the rest of the Patriot men. My sidearm was true, my sight tremendous. Largely, we gave as good as we got in the exchange of fire. But, alas, the battle plan fell through. Now, onward.
— Andrew

8 October 2018


Dearest mother —
As the men prepared to depart Boston, we received word a unit in nearby New York seeks battle. Scouts report those men are so infatuated with aeronautics, they believe themselves to be aircrafts. We shall use the extra time to drill and hone our tactics.
— Andrew

10 October 2018


Dearest mother —
I have received your care package of peppered skunk tails and dried mouse ankles. The unit reached New York only to be informed the Aircraft men want to battle in New Jersey. Frustrating. Their indecisiveness may be due what I am told is severe gangrene.
— Andrew

12 October 2018


Dearest mother —
The unit has reached the outskirts of New Jersey — the site the New York Aircraft men insisted upon. The story goes their captain — a young arriviste by the name of Darnold — came of age among Trojans. I miss you. I miss victory. I hope to see both soon.
— Andrew

14 October 2018


Dearest mother —
Vexation washes over me. While it was another tough battle, the unit was defeated by the Aircraft men. Our maneuvers were not crisp. I fired multiple ricochets from my sidearm. Yet, brewing over frustrations will accomplish little. We must press onward.
— Andrew

Bama wrote:10 October 2018


Dearest mother —
I have received your care package of peppered skunk tails and dried mouse ankles. The unit reached New York only to be informed the Aircraft men want to battle in New Jersey. Frustrating. Their indecisiveness may be due what I am told is severe gangrene.
— Andrew

10/10 fact

15 October 2018

Dearest mother —
The unit is making its return march to home camp this morning. And time is precious as it seems a group of Bison men out of New York are now on our tail. If I understand correctly, each of their soldiers is named William. Peculiar.
— Andrew

17 October 2018


Dearest mother —
We have returned to home camp. The Bison men slowed their pursuit when they realized their unit was without a captain. Perhaps if they did not all go by Bill? We shall use this time to drill. A victory, I dearly hope, is within reach. I love you.
— Andrew

20 October 2018


Dearest mother —
The Bison men have been spotted nearby. They were easy to track as they left a trail of little chicken bones. It appears the wings are the only part of a bird they deem worth consuming. We estimate they shall attack tomorrow. A victory is most welcomed.
— Andrew

21 October 2018


Dearest mother —
I write with glorious news! The unit was victorious over the Bison men. They tried to trample us, but we were able to ward them off. My sidearm was both sturdy and steady. The clouds have parted. Sunshine beats down on my face. We shall enjoy this.
— Andrew