i'll tell you why it's even more fked up than you know with that trans person, and why it's messed me up so much..
see there is another girl ;P
her name is kara.
the trans one is called jasmin.
right, i might as well tell you the whole story
cos it's a good story lol
so, i go to this casino that's like 15 mins walk from me, pretty much just cos i saw some cool looking people outside, im bored, i dont meet a lot of people, and i wanna make some new friends.
so i sign up for the training school thing.
straight off the bat, there's 8 of us, me, doctor who biker guy(mike), sensitive long haired guy(gary), older polish woman(isabella), 2 people that soon drop out('jules'-short lesbian lass with dispraxia - did the same course as me at uni, and.. shit what was her name.. summet like christie, she dropped out fast, but she was hot
like 24, artsy looking, natural no make-up :3 but she went anyway, pretty quick. which was a shame). then 2 19 year old girls (lol), jasmin and kara.
i know, that if i get involved with the girls, any of them lol, shit's gonna go sideways, and im there to make friends not find girls. so i surrupticiously separate us into girls and boys groups (jules can come with the boys group cos she's proper lesbian lol - into warhammer and stuff). so it's 4 and 4.
we're learning rulette, cool.
so none of that really matters, all that matters is that after losing jules and christie, it's 2 tables - 1 with me, gary, and make. other with isabella, jasmin, and kara.
the only 2 people that smoke here, are me and kara, so every smoke break, i go out and im chatting to kara, she's great, ex-barmaid, parents from dubai, very like high class.
at the same time, jasmin gives me her discord, because i go in one day with a V from V for vendetta t-shirt that my lil sister bought me as a present - to this younger generation it represents anonymous and 4chan.
so, jasmin adds me on discord based on the 4chan idea, tells me she's on the board and "not easily shocked" etc. im like okay.. 19 year old 4channer, i get it.
poor issabella is just too old for interest tho she tries, im sorry ladies but older women remind me of my mum, and that's just not cool lol. thankfully tho, that bracket of being younger than me gets bigger every year
but anyway, i point jasmin here cos im like, if i talk to her, she's 19, pretty hot, i'll start flirting. i dont wanna mess stuff up cos i like the casino environment.
so jasmin buggers off and im guessing studies this forum some.
then she comes back and she's all like 'hey i've got all these awesome dvds and stuff'.
then she's all like, and my fav anime is chobits.
now, if you dont know, chobits is an anime about like.. basically personal computers become androids, and the androids becomes sexy lolita girls. so like you end up with guys having sexy lolitas as their PC's. yeah. but then the story is basically one of these becomes AI, and then it becomes a love story between this 'born sexy yesterday' lolita and a NEET type guy.
so my interest is peaked a bit, talkin about anime and stuff, i mean she said she has The Wall on dvd and im like wut? fav anime is chobits. then she's supposedly 19, dressing like a lolita.. obviously very interested..
so im like alright, fantasy possibility here lol, lets explore.
so, fast forward a bit, we're chatting a lot on discord. we have a group chat doing with me, mike, gary, and jasmin; as well as the private chats.
we're playing like cards against humanity and stuff. but the thing is about the private chat.. right, as i said im not a conman, when i get *ahem* romantically involved with someone, it's genuine, i have to open up a bit, and give the a piece of myself. you give to recieve kinda thing.
well shit doesn't add up with jamin, im not on about like the usual lines aren't workin, i mean like, she's talkin about solvent abuse addiction and like... grim body stuff, which is like normal for teen girls, but this is like a whole other level of grim, like 4chan stuff. it's a bit disturbing, and i cant figure her out.
at the same time, im still taking every smoke break with kara, and she's still just awesome. im sorta taunting jasmine with this, cos im a cunt lol.
like for example she's into barbie stuff -_-'
im like okay, there's probably more to the storyline than i know - take an interest lol
what exactly goes on in that show? who's barbie's nemesis?
turns out right, it's this dark haired girl called raquelle, and im like huh, so we got blonde skinny barbie, and brunette rival girl raquelle. so im like lol, this is jasmin and kara.
now im not gonna lie, i do get a lil sexually suggestive, i mean she's 19, she's not a kid - she is keen AF, sending me pictures and totally fishing for some in return.
now shit is gettin a bit weird to me, she's like, very full on in terms of like.. internet things, erm.. very adult things, lets put it that way. but at the same time, she's playing like an innocent girl.. she flip-flops a lot. then on top of that there's this lolita thing which i never really figured out.
it came up pretty early, cos there is an age gap; usually girls around that age want to grow up and get into RL - trying to look older, jasmin was trying to look younger. i sorta made sense of this by the fact she was a total weeb - japanophile. japan's all about the lolita schoolgirls, and she's an anime fan. on top of that it's the anime style she likes - she literally draws hentai stuff.
there are girls that age, that enjoy messing with older guys, this is just a fact, so i figured that.
i figured like she's into the japanese fashion, she likes older guys, and she's expressing like a power over sexuality by being deliberately provocative - this is a 19 year old girl.
so that's what i figured im playin with ;P
call me a bad man, whatever lol
i honestly wasn't looking to get involved, but she was kinda relentless, and then she starts talking about anime and movies and stuff.. im not *opposed* to younger girls lol
and to be fair some are really mature for their age - i assumed this was the case with jasmin cos of the 4chan stuff.
however, the lolita stuff came up a few times, cos it was sorta an elephant in the room; and eventually, she asks me if i know this 'meme' called "pamperchu", and im like no? cos i dont, hoenstly, and i look it up.
it's this lad, right, that dresses up like a toddler, and it's rly messed up. like *really* messed up.
and im lookin at it, and im like, this is gay people playing pedo sex games..? and she's like no, he just likes dressing like that. i get to the bit where like he's talking about his 'daddy' and i vom a lil bit and turn it off cos enough is enough.
then.. i start to make the connection. this lolita stuff, actually isn't sexual, she actually just likes dressing like a young girl, because... i dont even fkin know. but once that becomes apparent im like shit, mistake, she's mental, im chattin up a mental person.
so im like look - i can get to know you here, and we can have fun flirting, but at the end of the day, i dont typically get physical with the girls i get to know in chat. im a weird guy, but basically it's how i avoid attachment.. when i do get physical, it's kept on a platonic level. so all this stuff is moot anyway, it's just a fantasy illusion.
i'll admit i was hedging my bets a bit up to this point, cos im skeptical, but ya never know, maybe she is like hot 19 year old with great interests etc; might as well check it out. but now stuff makes sense and it's like, shit, first instinct was right, never shoulda got involved.
now this is where shit starts to get really fucky.
i may have been a bit insensitive in the whole pulling out section here.. but basically hell hath no fury like a woman scorned lol
so lets start the fuckery here: she has a boyfriend the whole time. so does kara btw.
i dont care so much about boyfriends generally tbh, again, im a bit of a bastard in some regards.
but generally what they mean is "i have someone im fucking", which is sorta different, i think it's sad tbh that they are in relationships with people they dont care about - and if they do, why the fk are they talking to me?
so anyway, jasmin has always been like "it wouldn't be the first time i've been unfaithful" and shit lol. as i say im sitting on the fence. but when i decide to fk off from the fence and bail - she starts making out that her bf is abusive, saying she's coming in with plasters on her neck and people should ignore them >never even notived them lol, but anyway.
so then the boyfriend starts coming onto her discord and trying to talk to me O.o
im like wtf. but i think the general idea is that jasmin's hurt (sry) and she's trying to make a big thing outa things. she's trying to make a mountain out of a molehill that was never really anything.
on top of this, she starts shouting at me about kara O.o
basically accusing me of dumping her and going after kara (not true, i was never going after anyone). im just chattin, teasin, flirtin - that's all i did. if stuff leads elsewhere fine, but it's all organic, nothing's planned.
on one of the smoke breaks with kara, she starts talking to me about jasmin a bit, saying she's saying some weird stuff, like asking her if any of the guys here are sexually hasassing her or anything - we're both like wtf. and internally im like WTF.
she also starts trying to drag people into it in the lil group chat thing i had going with mike an gary.
now, something you need to understand, is the only reason i can get so personal and intimate with these girls, is because i genuinely open myself up to them as well; and now this bitch is airing my personal shit infront of people i know, and trying to ruin my relationships with other people.
so im like wow, she's full on crazy, and i block her.
the training school is about finished, and we get moved around to various places, you do breaks for different jobs in the place, so everyone does a bit of everything, and i think they wanna see what people are good at. i get reception for a week - and this is where, one of the first things the receptinist says (another lovely lady called debs) "i cant believe one of the people on your training school is trans", and my head shoots round like a fkin bullet.
>insert "it was at this point he knew, he'd fucked up" sound effect
so now starts a cascade of realizations in my brain.
the clothes, the lolita style, the room, the kinks, the likes/dislikes, the fkin photo she sent me asking if i "wanted to see her monster cock", and im like 'is this a massive sex toy or something?'
original is not shrunk or distorted - but i now realise this is a refernce to this:
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/astolfo-monster-cock
urgh god, i feel kinda violated :/
then, right, they have like an annual staff party thing coming up.
so they ask who's going - i am not going lol, cos pissed me is gonna be embarassing for 1, for 2, jasmin's gonna be there and i just know she wants to cause a scene.
but ya know who is going - kara; and it's a funny thing, cos having been chatting to kara for a couple of months every smoke break, ya get to know eachother a bit, and some things stick in your head, like we had a big discussion about school proms, and that i didn't go to mine.. and cos we're doing rulette, everyone's favourite colour is pretty apparent - mines green, cos i like nature.
so what does kara come to the staff night in?
a green prom dress.
now to me that's like a dead give away, and everyone's going on about how she looked so pretty and dressed up for it. maybe im being a narcessist, but i think she thought i might turn up anyway.
but here's the killer right, she spends the whole night with jasmin, and then she ends up going home with a random lad called mike, and the next day, i get a message through about additional training we have to do - about drink spiking.
on top of that, like 2 days earlier - jasmin is still in the group chat, even tho i've blocked her, and she's talking about like how to escape an abusive boyfriend, i said like just hire a crackhead to break his legs - men that abuse women are always weak, crackhead would probably do it for like £20. then gary is like "or you could give them some hormones in their drink or something", and im like WTF.
but there's only 3 people in the chat at the time right, me, jasmin, and gary. that's not the sort of thing you say without it being normalized somewhere first...
so i dunno, maybe im paranoid. but yeah, kara basically had to quit cos of the scandal of it.
honestly, i think jasmin did something. cos im thinking like "no-one's that crazy, im paranoid here". but then im like "no-one's that crazy... a trans person.. that takes hormones to change their physical appearance.. and basically lived out a fantasy with me, pretending to be a girl, dressing in kids clothes... essentially a gay man... no-one's that crazy... or are they?"
so i bailed anyway lol
doesn't matter, im a relatively old man, i know how to look after myself, will be fine.
but honestly the whole, empathizing with a mental person, and the possibility that i inadvertantly got someone spiked and kinda date raped.. yeah it's not good.
trans people man, scary. this is why i try not to get involved in things.
im just labelling the whole thing a mini-adventure and moving on.